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Sugarland!!!!

Yes, that is me, my friends, and Sugarland!  My awesome friend Leah"s awesome brother J.W. took Erin and I to the Sugarland concert in Charleston.  J.W. didn't tell us until we got there he had scored back stage passes!  We squeeled like school girls when he told us...totally embarrassing him!   But what an incredible night with incredible friends.

Feeling refreshed for 2011

Never Again.  Never again will I plan my Christmas  so poorly that I spend the week before Christmas trying to get all my shopping done - and I mean ALL my shopping.  I didn't even start until December 17th.    It was one of the few times in my life that anxiety struck - and it struck hard.  Two days before Christmas I was completely overwhelmed with thoughts of gifts and dinner and cleaning the house and gifts and so on and so on.  Other than our polar express trip at thanksgiving - I did none of our usual holiday activities with the kids.  No breakfast with Santa, no driving around looking at Christmas lights, no baking.  I even worked at the Rec Center's holiday festival - and didn't bring the kids! Now that I think about it - I was a Scrooge this year!  Not that I was consciously aware of it - I just was so consumed with my To Do list, I didn't really get to enjoy the season.  However, on December 26th my anxiety finally came to an end.  I had taken the entire week off of work between Christmas and New Years.  I did nothing but read, play the wii with the boys, see a couple movies and go to dinner with a friend.  In short - I found my life again.  AAAHHH.  That week off felt like being able to take that first deep breath after a miserable cold.  By the time January 1st rolled around I was actually ready to go back to work. But let me tell you this:  LESSON LEARNED.  The holidays will not be like this next year.  I will be prepared.  And most important I will remember what the season is really about:  The birth of Jesus Christ - and sharing what that really means with my kids.

Thanksgiving 2010



AJ's Mountain Hideway



This year we took off after working the Turkey Trot for a much needed mini-vacation to the mountains.  The view was phenominal - but the time we got to spend resting and hanging out with good friends was more than I could have asked for.  We only had 2 full days - but we hiked each day and  spent a lot of time around the campfire and in the hot tub.  And of course, with our resident chef, we ate like kings!  God willing - this will be an annual trip for us.

My Monkeys swinging from the vines!

 

 

 



POLAR EXPRESS!



Toy Train Museum at the Bryson City Railroad







Last night at the cabin.  Yes Chris is completely passed out on the couch next to Bert.





View from the front porch

It's been entirely too long.....

I havent' felt like writing in a very long time.  But today my body is nearly shaking from stress and exhaustion.  Not because anything in particular in my life is stressing me out, but because life is just sometimes stressful.   I've spent a lot of time lately complaining to my friends and relatives about what I don't like about my life, i.e. my job.  Which now seems so silly to complain about when I'm happy with everything else!  But considering I spend 8 of my 16 waking hours at my job it's not surprising that I feel a bit stressed when I'm unhappy here. But here's the thing....I actually have a pretty good job.  I like the people I work with, Chris comes to work with me and attends the preschool here - FOR FREE,  and I have a family-friendly boss who completely understands when I need to take off again because TJ is sick.  So what is it that I don't like?  Well, lots of things that If I start listing will only put me in a bad mood and enhance the feeling of wanting to run away.  But the bad thing about running away is I always have to bring myself.  And it is me who needs to change my attitude and accept the things I cannot change and embrace the good points of this job.  It may not be the career I foresee myself in for the next 30 years, but this is where God has put me right now, and that is reason enough to do the best I can.

All is well....

I'm not sure what just happened.  I put my boys to bed exactly seven minutes ago, and I think they are both asleep.  Can it be?  MY boys?  This must be a record.  TJ and Chris usually make a sport out of torturing Mom at bed time. I would not be surprised if the two of them huddle-up and take bets  to see how far they can push me before I blow my lid. 
Most nights I feel like I'm living in an episode of the Super Nanny.  I stand in the middle of the boys bedroom watching TJ use the closet shelf as monkey bars and Chris doing somersaults off the bed and wonder "How did I completely loose control in 30 seconds?"  That's all it takes.  We are normally a nice civilized family.  After dinner the boys can be found quietly playing hotwheels or doing homework.  But then I dare to say those two words  "BED TIME" and the reaction is instantaneous.  I'm convinced that before I left the hospital with my baby boys one of the nurses hypnotized them to immediately turn into lunatics when they hear thoses two words.  It's like a switch has been flipped and it doesn't get turned off until they pass out from pure exhaustion.  This nurse must have also found a way for it to only work with my voice - because I get reports from babysitters and grandparents that the boys "were angels" for them. 
So tonight I will sit here in my quiet house with my sleeping boys and savor every minute until Tom gets home.  What shall I do?  Read?  Take a bath?  Nope.  Think I'll go to bed.  Good Night, it's Bed Time.

My life is a dance

I have a 20 minute commute to work every morning - I know, some would not consider 20 minutes much of a "commute". But still, I savor that 20 minutes of quiet after the chaotic rush of getting myself and the boys up and out the door. It is time to compose myself and get ready for my day ahead. Most days my thoughts are filled with lists; pay the electric bill, call back so-and so, etc. But some days I branch out and start contemplating life - dangerous territory because I usually come to the conclusion that I need to make dramatic changes. Fortunately for Tom, this only lasts for a few days before I fall back into the realization that my life isn't so bad and I just need to focus on successfully getting through each day. But still, those moments of deep contemplation in the car keep me grounded.
One morning last week I was allowing my mind to wander freely and the song "I hope you Dance" by Leann Womack wandered in. (Don't be surprised, my brain is often tuned in to it's own station) As I hummed along to the music in my head, I began to wonder whether I had "danced" through life. My first thought was "yeah I've danced alright, I do the "Two-Step"every day - Two steps forward and two steps back". I then spent the next 15 minutes trying to decide what type of dance best describes my life. I concluded that my life is more a compilation a several different types of dances.

There are times when my life is a Waltz. Tom, my dance partner, and I swing big beautiful circles in perfect step to rhythm of our life. We are organized and in sync with each other. We seem to glide effortlessly around all others in our world.

At other times there is no doubt that my life is a Mosh Pit. Yesterday, for example, I woke up a half-hour early and still managed to lose my keys, forget Chris' lunch. and nearly miss TJ' s bus . These are days that I feel I am just bumping into everyone I meet and at the end of the day I've nothing to show but a couple of bruises. If you've ever been in a Mosh pit you can relate.

The last dance my life can relate to is the Square Dance. This is when I feel there is a "caller" dictating my days. Even if I wanted to dosey-doe with my partner, the caller of my life demands I join the group in the middle. To be fair, just as a dancer voluntarily joins the square dance, I voluntarily make commitments, which inevitably end up feeling like obligations. Some days I just rather sit at home and play Hot wheels with Chris.

My dance style changes often and It's hard to say whether it is I or my surroundings that change. But I can feel myself ebb and flow out of these distinct styles, sometimes from day to day. Such is the rhythm of life - dancing to the music of children screaming, phones ringing, and TVs blaring. I wouldn't have it any other way.